Kiffin's Blog

October 26, 2007

Big ugly wart

If I had such a big ugly wart, I would certainly have had it removed ages ago. Getting up every morning, looking at myself in the mirror and being confronted by such a disgusting protrusion would have made me feel very uncomfortable or driven me insane.

Obviously the old man does not seem to care, hasn't yet noticed it, or has simply become so attached to this extra facial ornament, that living without his big ugly wart would make his life unbearable and perhaps even not worth living.

Posted at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

September 8, 2007

Dying young

The famous and well-loved Luciano Pavarotti dies at the early age of seventy-one.

Meaning that if I end up living that long I have only a little more than twenty years to go.

Something for me to think about.

Posted at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

August 9, 2007

Begging for money

The skinny guy wearing a dilapidated baseball cap shuffled up to me and asked shyly if I could spare him some change. Hesitant but desperate at the same time...

"Can you spare some change?"

"What for?!"

"I just got out of prison and they put me out on the street without a cent..."

"So how'd you end up in prison of all places?!"

"Well they picked me up off of the street where I was sleeping in some alley. I had nowhere to stay, sorry."

So without thinking much except that I was in a generous mood for some reason, I reached into my wallet and gave him a 2 euro coin.

"Is that enough?"

"Yes, yes, thanks alot..."

Right at the moment I was hoping we had reached some kind of repore, the poor homeless guy had disappeared around the corner. Say good-bye and be gone.

Never to be seen again. Oh well, there goes my two euros.

Posted at 8:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 3, 2007

Fictional meetings

Once again we had decided to make an appointment in order to discuss how events had progressed since the previous time we had met.

Mutual goals, comparing, the differences between then and now. Had it already been nearly one year ago? Maybe more.

When I arrived at the meeting place, the smell of damp wood and uncertain swirls on the floor, I was surprised to be confronted with a visage that had aged much more than the year that had passed. Was this the same person or not?

During the meeting before, he had confessed to me in a confidential moment between silences that although he had not aged for many many years, the next year would bring forth an acceleration of growing older, more and more quickly. Nothing to be concerned about. Or not?

I took my seat next to him and we shook hands. Just let it be. The dying part was about to begin.

Alright then, so let's discuss how events had progressed, the objectives we had predefined and described so clearly on paper, how far each of us had been able to proceed.

When he ripped the pen out of my hand I thought he was about to draw down something meaningful, say on one of the two yellowish napkins lying between us, but that was not to be.

Instead, he used the pen as a kind of pointer, aimed at the most upper left-hand corner of the room, saying nothing for a minute and then uttering something I couldn't quite understand.

Sorry?

I said that the next time we meet it will have to be in this same place, and then we will finally have something meaningful to discuss.

Alright, see you next year. Or even later perhaps.

Posted at 7:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 24, 2007

Testing one two three

Life is dauntless in its need to keep on testing you as if nature's ultimate goal is meant to make you give up and throw in the towel.

Not unless you are a survivor.

Posted at 5:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 12, 2007

Hello Mr. Gish

On my way to the fitness center on my bike I passed a young blond-haired girl on the side of the road and she waved to me saying "Hello Mr. Gish!"

I did not recognize her at all, but no matter.

Posted at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 22, 2006

Let me say

For those of you out there trying to figure things out just let me say that while in the short term it may appear overly important in the long run it really doesn't matter that much at all.

In other words, use the present situation to leap frog over the near future and focus on where you want to be when you have grown more and more and supposedly have something to say about what life is all about.

Posted at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 13, 2006

Somewhere high

Right now my dear wife is flying somewhere high in the sky on her way to visiting my son Lennart who has been living in LA for the last several months, stopping over in the windy city of Chicago where she'll have to change planes. Indeed it is a strange idea that Thea and I will soon be separated by no less that seven thousand miles or so. One week and then she will be back, so I guess I will be able to survive just fine. With a little help of my kids, of course.

Posted at 6:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 31, 2006

Not enough room

Have you ever noticed that whenever you are in a book or music store and you are looking for a certain author or artist whose name begins with a given letter that there is always some other customer who just happens to be standing in your way even if the store is completely empty and you two are the only people present?

Posted at 6:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 29, 2006

Quick sand of reality

Soon it will be November, and then what? Longer nights, colder weather, darkness taking over and whatever. Not exactly my favorite time of the year, but it is part of the natural changing seasons thing, that cycle of awareness that nature imposes on us whether we like it or not, with the good comes the other end of the story and so forth. Let's just say that we adapt or we sink underneath the quick sand of reality.

Posted at 7:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 11, 2006

Not a prime number

When I woke up this morning, it took me about ten seconds of drowsy after-thought and the sleepiness melting away before it finally dawned on me that forty-nine was not a prime number after all. Oh well, having an age that is only divisible by one or itself is harder to come by than most people realize, let alone even think about it once over a whole lifetime of thought. In two years it will be a different story for me, so I will just have to wait and be patient and hope for the best.

Posted at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 7, 2006

Getting older

So what if we get older. Does it really matter?

I think not.

Posted at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 13, 2006

Too short

Life is too short to be taken seriously.
-- Oscar Wilde

Posted at 2:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

March 7, 2006

Just another house

Do not forget that in the long run each and every one of us ends up living in the very same house we built for ourselves without even knowing it ahead of time.

Posted at 7:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 22, 2005

Poking backs and wedging elbows

There was this crazy-looking guy who jumped on the tram at the very last minute just before the doors slid shut behind him.

Although the tram was packed so tightly that you could barely move, this crazy-looking person was able to fit in easily with room to spare.

Those folks nearest to him subtly pushed and shoved themselves away, either consciously or subconsciously, little shuffling motions of the feet, slightly poking backs and wedging elbows. In no time, this person had managed to create an invisible buffer zone around him, a nice comfortable, invisible force field that gave him alot of extra room to stand, to wave his arms around, and to look this way and that.

I on the other hand found this individual interesting enough, that I daringly stepped into his little realm of comfort in order to observe him more closely, trying to make some more sense of it all.

When the doors opened again at the next stop, he spat through the opening, creating even more room by preventing more travelers from entering to fill in and replace the mass of cytoplasm which had just exited.

People moved away, providing us two lost souls even more room in which to move around and observe.

Sometimes it can be advantageous to be slightly crazy.

Posted at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2005

Whoever you are

What a pleasant surprise it is receiving such a nice Christmas card from a couple you do not know.

After having studied the picture closely which they enclosed in the envelope, the two of them looking sharp and standing in front of the water fountain just after getting married, I cannot for the life of me figure out who this nice couple is.

If only I could make out the scribbled words and the unknown signature at the bottom, then perhaps I could solve this mystery. Oh well, just hang it up with all the others.

Thanks for the card anyway. Whoever you are.

Posted at 5:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 25, 2004

Rock and roll bum

The long-haired bum was dancing around up and down screaming his lungs out. Like he was some kind of rock and roll star on stage for all the passersby to see in wondrous awe. In truth he was making a complete fool of himself. But he didn't realize it. Upturned cap lying on the sidewalk, hoping for some spare change (which never came). When he started strutting himself by taking long steps from one end of the block to the next, that's when the winds came up. Some folks had to jump away at the last moment in order not to get trampled over, seeking cover at the side of the building. Away from the storm. Safe distance from the rock and roll bum.

Posted at 8:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

June 9, 2004

What I did not

And then all of a sudden there were two of us standing in front of the very same door. The question was: what next? If I made a move first, would the other do the same? And if I waited too long and gave him the chance instead? While the average bystanders might have perceived the situation somewhat differently, I was not about to take any unnecessary risks. So that is what I did, or did not.

Posted at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

June 3, 2004

My usual way

That old guy over there was getting older and older with an accelerated speed which was hard to deal with. And then all of a sudden, it turned around and he got younger. Younger and younger full circle until he just disappeared like a wisp in the wind caused by the passing tram. All the while I was standing nearby, had to avoid the tram at the last possible moment (in order to witness the exact moment of imploding nothingness), and when it was all over I just turned my head back around to the front, continuing on my usual way. As if nothing had really happened at all.

Posted at 10:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 9, 2004

Simple things

Never thought that I would appreciate my free weekends as much as I do now. Just the simple things, that's what really counts. Letting all those things from the recent past settle in, like dreams collating the days events in some mish-mashed mental shapes and movements. Waiting and preparing for the next round of events which will come before you realize it, and then again.

Posted at 8:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

April 28, 2004

Nothing lasts forever

For awhile there I just stood and watched helplessly as the snagged piece of paper swayed back and forth while all the many shoes of variegated forms and colors stepped and kicked and scraped all around it. The tram would be coming any moment now, but this was too important to distract my attention. Not for even a split second. From where I was standing, I couldn't quite make out whether it was the remnants of an old paper-bag, some tissue paper, the inner page of today's morning newspaper, or whatever. There was no way ignoring the inevitable. Not a single unknowing human footstep was able to pry this innocent piece of white hope from its unlawful place there. Too bad. I kind of felt sorry for it as I visualized in my mind what was about to take place right in front of my eyes. Was I ready for it? The tram was coming and then it would happen and then it did. The thick metal wheels screamed to a halt and scraped right across the snagged piece of paper. In an instant it was freed forever, but unfortunately at the same time torn to shreds and about a hundred pieces which flew all over the place in an erratic cloud of dust and shrapnel and twigs and stuff. Nothing lasts forever. Freedom isn't everything.

Posted at 9:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 12, 2004

Not quite meant to be

Taking the long train ride from Venice back to Amsterdam would perhaps prematurely end my short-lived adventure. My fine and respected traveling companion Kevin from Stanford was not too happy about it either. I knew then however that it was now or never. Then nor ever. Took the chance, faced the uncertainties, and managed to make things happen as they were not quite meant to be, and then what. Why mess up your life when things can easily turn out better?

If I had taken another train in another direction from another station at another time, all the other factors would have canceled each other out and I would have ended up at the very same place I am now anyway.

Just take the chance and see what happens.

Posted at 6:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

February 13, 2004

Rearranging continuously

A lot of one's time seems to be spent on (trying) to put things back and/or rearranging items so that they return to the places where they so-called belong. This goes way beyond just cleaning up the mess that the kids leave behind, or vacuuming the house every week, sweeping the leaves away in the front of the house, or even prioritizing your jumbled thoughts each morning when you wake up. What it means is this (just an idea). The way that objects need to be arranged and oriented and re-arranged all over again in your space of existence has nothing to do with a pre-ordained way that things are "really" supposed be. The process of doing this, the experience of taking part in this continuous cleanup, the never-ending actions and reactions, that is what is the most important. At least, that is what makes the most sense to me. Otherwise, what is it all for in the end?

Posted at 9:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

January 31, 2004

Get your youth back

Subject: Get your Youth Back

"Lose weight while you sleep..."

That is how this wonderful email starts out. How did I make it this far, and why even spend the energy writing about it at all?

While I sleep!

I mean seriously folks, am I really supposed to fall for this amazing offer or what?

I guess some people do, otherwise I would not be receiving this spam email in the first place.

Still, I wish they would leave me alone and quit clogging up my mailbox with such junk.

Jerks.

Posted at 5:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

January 1, 2004

Two thousand and four

I am not sure whether or not you already know about it, but rumor has it that 2004 will be a wonderful and fantastic year for those who decide to take advantage of it. I am going to place all of my bets on this possibility and go for it.

In other words, have a really great, fun and relaxing year this time around and be sure to drop by my web log once in awhile. See you around...

Posted at 10:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

December 13, 2003

Youthful philosopher

This is what my nine year-old boy Maarten told me this evening when I brought him to bed:

"Wat wil je dan: werken of een gelukkige leven hebben?"

(Translated from Dutch into English: "What do want then: have work or have a happy life?")

Proof that my son is a learned philosopher at an early age.

Posted at 9:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 18, 2003

Obstacles get in the way

At first it seemed that the best to go was from here to there.

When that failed it seemed that there was a better way to get from here to a different there.

When that failed it seemed best to start somewhere else and then go from that new starting point to yet a different there.

When that failed it seemed that perhaps starting there and coming here might be a viable option.

When that failed it was time to stop and give it all a good think.

(Think, think...)

Obstacles only get into the way when you expect them to get in the way.

Pick a route without obstacles and/or choose to do absolutely nothing except wait wait wait and perhaps something else might pop up.

Totally and completely unexpected.

Isn't that what wholeness of surrender is all about?

Posted at 5:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

November 9, 2003

Never too late

There is this old guy on the television and he must be in his middle seventies. Maybe even older.

He has this hat on and is dressed up in a fancy suit with this long thin tie. In the background, loud music is blaring, some kind of house party trance techno type of beat. Thump, thump, thump.

Believe it or not, he is also wearing a pair of dark sunglasses.

There he is dancing away and making all of these jerking gestures with his arms and legs, just like the kids do nowadays. Upon closer inspection, I have to admit that he is doing an amazingly good job of imitating these motions, exactly to the beat. So good is his dancing style in fact, that if it were not for is old wrinkled visage poking through the youthful facade and exposing his true age, I could swear that he was an experienced house partier in his early twenties.

This old guy stops dancing and catches his breath. He says that he missed out on his youth. (The camera zooms in on a black-and-white photograph of a young boy of ten years old or so.) You see, he was raised by strict parents and he has never had the opportunity to go through the phase of life called "youth." The phase of life through which everyone deserves to pass. Like it was always meant to be.

And then when he grew up he had to work hard. Work, work and more work the rest of his life.

Now it is time finally to catch up, make up for lost time. Finally, at last. In the evening he will head on off to the local disco and have some fun. Check out the scene, scope the babes, toss down a few. Yes, it is never too late to make up for lost time.

In the end it is not lost time at all, not really.

Posted at 4:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 7, 2003

Think things out first

Life is unpredictable in more ways than one.

Take for example my mood swings and the crazy things I end up doing out of the blue only to have to undo them afterwards (slight embarrassment).

Here is how it went. I just happened to come across a fantastic last-minute deal in the newspaper. The Vliegwinkel was offering a round-trip flight to San Francisco for only € 326 which is a fantastic deal when you think about it.

I went for it without thinking things out first. And then the big mistake was that I told everyone afterwards. Without thinking things out first. Dumb.

The reasons I thought of coming were simple: I just happened to find a cheap flight on the Internet and got all excited; and, I felt I needed a long-deserved break from this depressing life of not doing anything worthwhile. And of course I miss the family and friends pretty badly and just felt an urge to visit them again. Nothing wrong with that now is there?

Still, when one sits down and thinks about it logically, I should now be more focused (seriously focused, young man) on finding work here first. First and foremost. That is, before I can entertain the luxury of going to the California, bumming around and blowing even more money. Who do I think I am?

An aside: (My father used to have the somewhat annoying habit of getting some exciting plan in his head, announcing it to the whole family, promising everyone adventure and fun, but in the end not going through with it. This abrupt and often gruff cancellation was often at the very last minute, resulting in feelings of tremendous letdown from us the kids. I guess I must have gotten this trait from him. Could that be possible?)

So I'm afraid that I probably won't be going until the situation improves here. That could be some time, never or whatever, but who knows what the future will bring.

Hopefully I have not caused too much inconvenience and/or confusion to the family and friends involved. Mood swings beware.

Life must go on, I guess.

Posted at 11:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

October 5, 2003

Raining and sunny

One of the most interesting meteorological phenomena is when it is raining and sunny at the same time. You can hear the droplets hitting the window but at the same time the sun is shining through the very same plate of glass.

Just like it is now here in my attic room of contemplation. Two opposites brought together in one simple sweep of nature.

In a way this can be viewed as very symbolic, meaning in my opinion one or more of the following:

• The good cannot exist without the bad.
• The bad can always be seen in a more positive light.
• Beware that with the good there is always some bad in there.
• Good and bad are one and the same thing.
• Good things don't all look the same. (Stu D.)

So where do you fit in this overall picture?

Posted at 10:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

June 22, 2003

Overcoming certain obstacles

The way I see it is that I have been granted this unique opportunity to prove myself in dealing with insecurity and an unknown future full of hidden risks. Kind of like a gift from heaven you might say. Maybe I will end up in the dog house or perhaps I will somehow pull things off. And then again, maybe I just need to live day by day and remain confident that things are going according to the ultimate plan.

Running on empty with only one fourth of your previous salary as so-called government compensation is not my idea of fun. Time seems to be running out and it is time to do something about it. But what?

Life consists of a number of phases, and the purpose of each phase is to struggle by overcoming certain obstacles in order to learn and improve yourself. Sounds trite, and alot of people try to make themselves feel better by thinking this way, you might say. Fine, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. So let me have my own, I would say.

Life would have been pretty boring (and useless) had I been enslaved in a predictable routine of working at a desk answering the telephone all day even if I was assured of a good pension when I grew old. But then I would turn sixty-five and it would be too late, wouldn't it? I would look back on my life and feel pretty bad that I had not done more.

Things are improving, aren't they?

More and more often, I am sitting in the car or just reading a book outside. All of a sudden I am struck by this peacefulness, and I feel totally relaxed and positive for a barely noticeable moment of time. It goes as quickly as it comes, and I do not have much control over the coming and the going. This feeling is nice, but then I wake up to reality and get all nervous and worried again. What I need to do is actively create those mindful moments and prolong them as much as possible.

Alright, let's go now.

Posted at 10:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

June 11, 2003

Significant sixty-nine

There must be some significant reason why I always choose locker number sixty-nine as my storage area of choice at the fitness center. When I step downstairs and enter the long hall, I spot it to the right exactly at eye level. The tip of my nose nearly brushes up against the door which is slightly ajar. The locker is smack dab in the middle of the big chest of lockers, exactly in the middle, and interestingly enough it is never occupied. Just waiting for me to use it, and that is what I do. Why sixty-nine then?

Posted at 9:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

January 1, 2003

Two thousand and three

From deep in my heart I wish each and every one of the fine readers out there a really great year:

Rumor has it that this time around the year will be an especially good one, at least that is how I am going to embrace it with open arms.

Enjoy and peace on Earth.

Posted at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

November 23, 2002

Thoughts about thoughts

Isn't it funny how it is our thoughts about thoughts which in the end create the world around us and how we experience it?

Posted at 8:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 15, 2002

Wisp of a smile

One thing is certain. While there is life, while there is movement and feeling, you should appreciate it as much as possible, be thankful and make the best of it. Perhaps even treating life as if tomorrow it may be gone altogether, like a cloudy wisp in the sky that will be blown away before you realize it. Appreciate it while it is there, notice it while it is changing, and accept it when it is gone forever and forever. A wisp of a smile becomes no more, a something that misleads or deludes, an illusion outside of time.

Posted at 5:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

November 2, 2002

Important events

There are a number of important events in your life for which you might feel you are well prepared. Getting married, the births of your children, the deaths of loved ones, and so forth. Not to mention a few. Yet when a given event actually occurs, especially death, it is somewhat or even totally different than what you had always expected it to be like. No matter how mentally prepared you thought you might have been, the coming together of the random moments leading up to and coalescing into this one grand moment is an unexpected twist of fate that can slap you hard in your face. Before you realize it, just after that hard smack and the sound which disappears like a lost echo, it is all over with again. Again and again. You are expected to continue and that is what you do. Similar to beads on a broken chain which fall and shatter on the hard stone floor, scattering all over the place never to be found again. Just let the pieces and fragments lie where they may have ended up, shut the door behind you and continue on to the next leg of your journey to who knows where.

Posted at 2:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 22, 2002

Busying myself

Too much to do. Too little time. Monday has already passed me by with a blink of the eye. Couldn't believe how much I accomplished today, how much there was still to do. I wonder if it would make any difference at all if rather than busying myself endlessly in preparation for the upcoming trip to California I did absolutely nothing just went to bed like I am going to do now and woke up to find myself on the edge of reality on Gallant Fox Road. Let's see now. Get up and stroll around, followed by this and that, some more this and that, until almost everything has been taken care of at least that is what I hope and think. No more waiting around for now, let's go forward and let it happen rather than pushing it into being somehow by busying myself. This is the proper and only way to meditate now. Imagine yourself busying yourself and then not busying yourself at all any more. That is when it is supposed to happen.

Posted at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

July 1, 2002

Last breath

When Thea still had not come back from her evening shift by eleven thirty I was starting to get worried. She always bikes back from the hospital, and although it is a mere ten minute trip, I do not like the idea of her bicycling alone in the dark.

Finally when I heard the door open downstairs I felt relieved. Rather than confront her with my overly worrisome demeanor, I asked her instead in a calm tone of voice how her evening had been.

"Something really strange happened this evening," she told me. I listened as she continued.

"There was this old man who had just had an operation. Everyone knew that he would die eventually, probably within a couple of weeks. But no one had expected this."

"And what was the 'this' exactly?" I asked.

She paused a split second to order the events of the evening in her head. "Well, he seemed perfectly fine, sure he was eighty-three years old and pretty sick. But the whole family had been around his bedside, and he was talking and seemed happy enough..."

I wanted to ask her to get to the point, but I didn't want to interrupt her rudely.

"...about half an hour after the family had left, that is when it happened. I was standing right next to him, arranging some items on his cabinet when he started to breath heavily. At the end he took two deep breaths, and then complete eerie silence. And that was that." She made it sound so definite, which it was.

I guess he had died, so I stupidly inquired for some reason, probably because I felt uncomfortable her telling me all this. How else should I react?

"So did he die?"

Of course he died, she gave me that look and didn't have to say it out loud. Okay, okay. For Thea it was normal and has happened to her on a number of occasions. People getting old and dying, even younger people dying for no reason. Sad but that is the way life is. Afterall, she is a nurse. But for me it is still a totally bizarre idea. Some real live person who had been born, grew up and spent more than eighty years on the Earth living and thinking. There she was at the moment of death, bizarre.

"Of course he died," Thea told me as if she had expected that I should have known this all along.

I continued, "So what was so strange then?"

Thea repeated herself slightly caught back, "well I just hadn't expected it was all."

"So," I added, "that's why you were late this evening."

"Yes, I had to stay after to fix him up and stuff, make him ready."

This old man of eighty-three years had become no more. Thea had been less than two feet from him when his last thoughts went puff. This old man was later wheeled down to the basement where the mortuary is. Thea brushed the experience off and came home to me. Her husband who is just a little more that half way to eighty-three years.

When I die it will probably be easier for her since she has already witnessed numerous other deaths. She is more down-to-earth in that regard.

I would like it if she were right next to me when it happened.

Posted at 10:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

June 23, 2002

Billions of neurons

Now here's something that should really get you thinking about the whole mind-body discussion.

"The human genome (the sum total of the genes in our chromosomes) does not specify the entire structure of the brain. There are not enough genes available to determine the precise structure and place of everything in our organisms, least of all in the brain, where billions of neurons form their synaptic contacts." (ref. Descartes' Error by Antonio R. Damasio)

You see, while the genome provides a basic framework for the general idea of what each and every one of us has the potential to become, the determining factors called chromosomes are simply enablers, nothing more and nothing less. The actual glue of what holds us all together is something that formed after we were created, after our awakening called birth, and after our first conscious stimuli. There are innate forms and structures in our brains, but these are not the actual mental processes which define who we really are.

In case you were wondering what a genome is exactly then I will tell you now. The genome of an organism is its set of chromosomes, containing all of its genes and associated DNA. Check out the Human Genome Project for more scientific information.

But if we really are more than the sum total of all these zillions of genomes, then what is the purpose of gathering all of this information? Is it nothing more than collecting tidbits of information? Finding all the cracks on the walls and writing them down on paper? Perhaps such an endless list will provide guidelines and help us fight diseases and maybe even improve the physical aspects of the human species, but in the end how far will this go to improving our knowledge of the human brain and/or mind?

Time will tell, but my belief is that scientific knowledge in itself has inherent limitations and must be extended through the use of higher forms of awareness. Where and what those are and even whether they exist at all are questions that will have to be answered as we approach the limits of knowledge.

You could say that we are more than what we were meant to be, or more precisely we become through a process of striving to an end which in the end will bring us even further.

Confused? I am.

Posted at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 28, 2002

Fuzzy growth

I hate it when all that fuzz starts growing out of my ears. It looks awful and makes me look like an old man. I happened to notice it this morning on my way to a weekly meeting when I was in the bathroom washing my hands in front of the mirror. Oh no not again and so quickly. Kind of like when you used to have that really important date and you noticed there was this big ugly pimple on the tip of your nose. Now this fuzzy growth is bad enough, but combined with the growth coming out of my nostrils I feel like some kind of walrus. I have always told Thea that if I ever end up as a demented patient in some elderly home surrounded by all those other Dutchies, if there is only one thing she should not forget, that is to trim my ear and nose hairs for me. Before it is too late. If there is no one around to take the responsibility of this chore, then I will look like an overgrown brush or bush or whatever. Not that I would really notice it if indeed I were demented, it is just the idea. Would there be so many visitors who would even notice? What would my children think? Would I have any visitors at all? With my wet forefinger I gently pushed and poked the fuzzy growth back into the right and left orifices where it belonged hoping that it would not be too obvious when I sat down at the table to discuss progress of more important projects. Slowly but surely the individual hairs would spring back to life anyway, as the tamped down wetness evaporated and the hairs dried, and in the long run poke their fun at me. Those hairs. Time to trim them again before I go to bed if I can remember such an important chore. Kind of like mowing the lawn I guess.

Posted at 7:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

May 3, 2002

Infinite knowledge, take two

Everyone whether they want to admit it or not is in search of some form of infinite knowledge.

Each and every moment of our daily activities is related in one way or the other to acquiring more and more information so that we can approach the constantly shifting border that defines the point of total knowledge. But where is this border exactly? And are we efficient in our pursuit or is there alot of time wasted because we are not focusing right on the true path to take. I think that alot of energy is spent on so-called transient knowledge which in the end is not relevant.

Ten years ago I was learning as much as I could about computers for example, and even back then I could never learn enough. And where has that wisdom gone today? It has completely disappeared and fallen victim to the blur of trivial and unimportant information. As it turns out these have become totally useless today: dust in the wind. During my pre-med days at Stanford is pursuit of becoming a future-famous brain surgeon, to majoring in Physics and learning the intricacies of Gravitation and Cosmology, to variegated computer programming languages, all gone and what for? There must be some kind of knowledge that is stable, constant and pursuable you would think.

If we are to use our limited time on the face of this Earth efficiently then we should focus our efforts not on the transient but rather on the everlasting. Forget about Javascript and Perl and etc, the latest state-of-the-art technologies, the treadmill of company survival, computer this and computer that. For in ten to twenty to one hundred years from now it will all be forgotten? What are these so-called lasting and permanent tidbits of knowledge we should be pursuing then? Good question. Learning about raising your children, developing relationships, faith in God, looking within. Sounds boring but it is true.

In the circle of awareness there are four forms of energy that are channeled towards an effective lifestyle that results in true meaning. These are:

1. wisdom
2. guidance
3. power
4. security

These four independent life-support factors under grid every other dimension of life. Could this be the blueprint of the way to infinite knowledge? I think not, but a first step is better than none at all.

Please note that some parts of this entry have been borrowed and rephrased from the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey.

Posted at 9:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

April 24, 2002

Keep the end in mind

"Begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which everything else is examined. Each part of your life - today's behavior, tomorrow's behavior, next week's behavior, next month's behavior - can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole."

Taken from: "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey.

Posted at 6:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 20, 2002

We are creators

Just thought it was time again for me to remind you all that each and every one of us is a unique creator of one's own unique world. You create the world around you, no one else but you. Close your eyes, and it is there. Open your eyes and it is still there. Close your eyes again and nothing has changed. Or has the whole universe changed and rechanged inbetween opening and closing your eyes without you even realizing it? Opening and closing the mind is a similar process, except that rather than accomplishing this trick with your eyes you are now doing it more naturally with your ideas, those endless streams of thoughts. Thoughts which are bouncing back and forth, and then flowing in the very same direction. Over there, do you see it? That is how we can create the world around us.

Posted at 10:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 11, 2002

Interesting possibility

So if this wasn't an interesting opportunity, then I don't know what anymore. My long-awaited-for interview went pretty well, I think (and hope). With a combination of expertise, personality, affirmation and light humor, I hope I proved myself to be a good match for the function they are looking to fill: project manager. In the end, they gave me a chance to tell a little bit more about myself. I feel pretty positive, but I have to be very careful. I know out of experience that the moments one is overly confident are omens to dissappointments of the worst kind. We all know that in the end it is not knowledge and expertise alone, but how well these areas are combined with a good solid feeling for common sense and the ability to inspire others to get the job done. "Knowing" and "actually being able to" are two sides of the same coin which have to be exposed and balanced in order to be successful. Perfectly successful, that is. The only possible shortcoming of the whole episode might have been when I accidentally spilt a couple drops of coffee on my notepad. Without thinking (I guess I was a little nervous) I just brushed off the brownish substance with my shirt sleeve. Dumb. At least I was showing the human side, the real me. As far as experience and knowledge is concerned, they indicated that I probably fit the required skills alright. They were only a bit concerned that I might be too experienced for the position. Who me? To be honest, I do not mind at all. I still have to wait for my so-called competitor (and who is that guy anyway?) who will be interviewed on a later date, after which a final decision will be made. Who cares if it is only trouble-shooting and running around to put out fires, that is fine with me. A great opportunity to become familiar with a new environment, technology and that kind of thing. Actually, such chaos is an ideal manner quickly and efficiently to get up-and-running and familiar in the new surroundings.

Good luck to me, good luck to you all, good luck to everyone and everything on the face of this Earth, and the rest of the universe and beyond. I would appreciate it if you guys could keep your fingers crossed for me. Use telepathy or extremely positive thoughts to influence the decision. Whatever you can muster up, please. Now it is time to wait, hope and be positive about the future.

Posted at 3:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

April 10, 2002

New beginning or else

Okay, so tomorrow at eleven o'clock I will have an important interview so that I can explain myself such that they will want to hire me as project manager. This could mean a new beginning for me or else it could mean the end of the struggle, time to go elsewhere. I am a little nervous, but I will just be myself. I think I have the relevant knowledge and experience and am a viable candidate I hope. Boy, it would be nice to land this interesting position. However, it is also how the folks on the other side react to "who I am" and if they feel I am good enough. Often based on sublime feelings and far from the hard facts. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please. If you are interested in further information about the wonderful world of mobile telecommunications and what it can mean to all of us if we just try then have a look here or there. You might also want to have a look at eurotechnology or mobilemediajapan.

The future is here before we even realize it, so where did the past all go then? We will just have to wait and see.

Posted at 7:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

April 7, 2002

Trees over there

Trees were never not meant to be chopped down. I have always had a thing with trees, respected them greatly, and since childhood have enjoyed climbing all over them. That is why I felt really bad cutting down the tree in our background. It had to be done because it was taking over our backyard and covering up the whole back of the house. I hated to do it, but it had to be done. The first cut was the worst and I apologized for causing any pain. Certainly this big healthy tree did not deserve such an end to life. Or was it so absolutely necessary? That question still occupies my mind. I always climbed trees, and often climbed so high that I risked my neck more than once, feeling emptiness in my stomach as I almost fell into oblivion. In Stockton, California we had these three glorious cherry trees in the backyard. I knew them by heart, the limbs and braches and the various climbing paths upward I could take depending on my mood. When the season was right I would collect cherries and put them into small brown paper bags. For a dime a bag, I would sell the cherries at the front of our driveway to passersby. There was this tables, and two fold up chairs, and I would sit there proud of my collection. More often I would escape up into a tree, the middle one which was the highest. People would call looking for me, and I would hide up there quiet as a tree squirrel. I watched the people searching in the backyard, walking just beneath me and then giving up they would continue their search elsewhere. I had a heck of a time holding my breath in order not to laugh. So here I was being so unrespectable to this other tree some forty odd years later. This time as an adult that I was (is). But it had to be done. Later, Maarten used the stump and few thicker branches that were left for the sake of honor as the basis for yet another fancy fort. He could climb a meter and stand on the top as a lookout tower. That made me happy, as even as things come to an end they can be used again for what is left of them. Even trees, which deserve it more than we humans do.

Posted at 10:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

March 11, 2002

Wild and crazy

Why is it always such a hassle getting the kids off to school on time? Lots of arguments, complaining and other extreme forms of grumpiness. Eat, drink, put on your clothes, don't forget your lunch, put on your coat, no, yes, no, no. It is enough to tire one out completely, and there is still the whole day to go. These are my wild and crazy kids. Four different personalities competing in life, a life centered on selves, the selves who they are and who they are meant to be. Asserting ones existence. Well, I should be thankful that they are strong, vocal, assertive, confident and resistive. It is better than having a boring bunch of passive kids who could care less. Once they are all off to school, it is round two this early Monday morning. Another week will pass by, a month and a year, and then they will all be grown up and gone. Then they will (hopefully) come and visit me once in awhile, bringing along their own bunch of wild and crazy kids, my grandchildren. Enjoy and learn while you can.

Posted at 8:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

March 3, 2002

Act normal

Nowadays it is nearly impossible not to embarrass your children in one way or another. Especially if they are teenagers, but also for the other younger ones and even my wife as well. If I greet one of their friends at the front door with something like "Hello, nice to see you again" then I get immediately barked back at with a "C'mon, act normal!" If I do not say a thing and just stand there at the front door, trying not to smile too artificially and using my arms to gesture the best I can to get the point across in complete silence (okay, so maybe I am exaggerating just a "little" bit), I get yelled at with "C'mon, just act normal, jeez!" If I do not move, but stand as far away in the distance without being seen, I get the same old angry reaction "C'mon Dad, stop it!" Once a fashionable girlfriend came over dressed to kill. I could not help noticing the gigantic round metal earrings she had hanging from her ear lobes, causing them to sag and droop so that the earrings touched her exposed shoulders. It reminded me of those faraway African tribes one sees on the National Geographic television channel. I couldn't help myself from complimenting her by saying "Those are (cough) nice earrings you've got on there." My daughter nearly blew her stack, but I guess she didn't want to embarrass me either. Even my wife is often ashamed when I walk around with my slippers on, wear my jogging pants outside, don't shave on Sundays, clear my throat and hack out loud, crack my knuckles, stare at other women, or cuss at the neighborhood brats who play soccer by kicking brutal goals knocking over my fence planks. My conclusion is that it seems pretty funny (bizarre) how everyone else in this household is embarrassed about everyone else all of the time and everywhere. A waste of energy, but perhaps we can blame this on society, what is expected from us and what we falsely expect from ourselves. Except me, which makes me somewhat of an outsider, a special person, a real weirdo. Just act normal, will you.

Posted at 4:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

February 20, 2002

From now on

Alright, I am going to have to restrain myself from writing too much gibberish and other insane ramblings. People are already starting to question my sanity and whispering to each other behind my back. About that character over there who really does not know what he is doing nor does he understand what the world is all about. Do not want that to happen. From now on.

So then I have to write down something more earthly and mundane. Need to get my fans back by getting myself first back in shape. Okay. What now? Rewind, refresh and start from the very beginning. Howabout the following?

• When I woke up it took me about ten seconds or so to realize that I was not dreaming anymore.


• Or better yet, that by awakening to another day I was geared up for an episode of dreaming again in the so-called real world which is not that real at all.


• Crammed down two pieces of brown bread with half the jar of jam spread out in a blob of sweetness inbetween.


• With the last swallow still oozing its way down my esophagus, ran upstairs and took a shower, drinking my coffee at the same time.


• Shave, hack, shave and brush my teeth.


• Dry myself, put on my clothes, throw my wadded tie in the bag, crumpled again.


• Cycle to work with the strong wind at my back, little effort and so fast!


• Meeting, emails emails more emails, meeting, lunch and more.


• Yet another meeting, some compliments, emails and review two very important documents, very important.


• Time to go, escape from my work get back home that is, no more wind and a little drizzle.


• That ever so slight moistness "attaches" itself to my facial contours, oozing down almost erotically past my lips with the pull of gravity.


• Dinner, television with the kids, instant decaf, quiet please I cannot hear the news!


• Maarten in bed, Sabien in bed, helping Lennart massage his web graphics to produce really cool effects.


• And then Marlies chatting on the Internet and chatting with whoever.


• Thea stays downstairs glued to the television hoping that the Dutch will win yet another gold medal. They just skate and skate in circles which is not very thrilling for me.


• In about two hours I will go to bed with a good book: first "A Beautiful Mind" and then "Javascript: The Definitive Guide" to put me into a deep very deep sleep.


• What an adventure. And then it will start all over again. All over again.

Was that normal enough or was it too boring?

Posted at 11:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

January 1, 2002

Two twos and two zeroes

To every single one of you out there in blogger land (and elsewhere on this planet) this wish goes to you all:

I have been told in a whisper that it will be a very symmetrical year, in many and all respects: two-thousand-and-two. Very symmetrical. Meaning just that: balance, equality, the middle path, two twos on either side escorted by two zeroes inbetween.

Ever wondered how fireworks work? Or where "Old Lang Sign" comes from?

Enjoy and peace on Earth.

Posted at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

December 26, 2001

The greatest gifts of all

Christmas day has come and gone and is over with. So many people joyous with their multitude of the newest gifts, fantastic. So many other people still out there waiting, unknowing. The greatest gifts of all have yet to be unwrapped. Let us never forget that. Never ever, please.

Posted at 10:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)